151 Days To Go

OK, so, yet again, I haven't blogged. This is down to several major factors that meant the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. Then, whilst crying to a flatmate, I realised that I could be crying in his arms AND actually look for some help. He sat me down and he ended my panic really well (cheers James). In the mix of everything, I just wanted time to myself and my BF. I didn't want to label myself as 'obsessed' over what was going on, but I quickly realised that I was 'growing up'. And here's why.

And this is where I might start blubbing. Although I did promise James I wouldn't...

We got a house. It was the most part of Wednesday where househunting took centre stage. Our first viewing got cancelled but thanks to Tish and Nicola, we had more viewings. We found a great house with a reasonably good rent (only a couple of more quid than the place I'm in now per year) and a lovely view and room. It just worried me that I now have no money. At all. And whilst this was an eventful happening, this was not the only thing that happened that Wednesday...

And this is where I might start blubbing. Although I did promise myself I wouldn't...

It was my flatmates' 21st (Happy Birthday Alex!) and I promised I would get drunk. And I did. A little too much. The over-riding memory of that night was, basically, drinking two bottles of wine, gin and tonic, sambuca shots, pleading with an Indian man not to fine me after projectiling (for those 'cultured' others, I vomited rather violently and it got hang time) onto his cab and pleading with Steven not to leave me for being so wasted. Overall, it was an amazing night (even if I did get kicked out of the club) but I really wish I didn't drink so much that I felt so crap afterwards. I definitely remember talking to Steven though...

And this is where I might start blubbing. Although I did promise Steven I wouldn't...

I must confess. I felt that, after the late night tomfoolery, Steven would dump my candy ass (Rock to beat Cena) for being so stupid and reckless. Yet he, although he didn't look best pleased, stayed and wanted to talk and wanted me to have a good night. I've known couples to end because of drinking issues smaller than my one night stand, so I was so grateful that he wanted to hear me out and let me speak about how bad I felt that I did the things I did. I enjoyed myself, but too excessively. He didn't flip out at me and I know that because of this, he truly truly does have the heart that I have always wanted to love me.

And this is where I might start blubbing. Although I did promise my family I wouldn't...

I'm growing up. I'm doing it fast. Financially, I'm fecked. Friendship-wise, I'm doing better than expected. Academically, I failed my Maths assignment. Life has evened itself out. That sums up adulthood to me. You'll get by so long as one thing is going right. And so long as I have that healthy balance of school, life and love, I can't fail as I leave childhood and truly enter the world of being an adult.

I can't lie though, I'm damn scared.

161 Days To Go: Part 1

Ok, so yesterday was one of the worst days for a very long time. I, basically, was being an utter twat. I asked for one thing and behaved like a petulant child when I didn't get it. I didn't get it because it would cause too much hassle for the BF to do. So, instead of behaving like the mature adult I know I can be, I turned 4 years old and walked off to help my flatmate who was upset. I walked away because I was angry, even after saying that I wasn't ever going to get angry. So not only did I act out, I lied. For most people, this would be the last straw. I've had so many chances and fecked up so many times, I'm writing the book on feck-ups. But somehow, my BF keeps on forgiving me. I don't know what I've done to deserve such copiously high amounts of forgiveness but I can tell you this and forever, it's a mark of the man if he forgives you for betraying his trust.

I didn't deserve forgiveness or a boyfriend after yesterday. Somehow, I have both. I truly am so thankful for what I have. I have the perfect BF. I love you, Steven.

165 Days To Go: Part 1

Apologies for the lack of activity recently. With placement getting a hell of a lot busier, the temptation to lay down and fall asleep has never been greater. I'm glad I spelt 'greater' right here, I didn't in my phonics assignment (B+ though... stunning really...) and now I am frantically looking through all of my (submitted) essays in the hope I didn't make the same mistake. 2 B+'s though, I'm Mr Consistency. Pretty darn good seeing as the last essay he ever wrote before university only got him a D. And that was at A-Level.

A-Levels harder than university? Discuss, bitch and argue that one. On the house.

In 5 months and 13 days, I'll be on a plane and cacking it at 36,000 feet. I'm cacking it at sea level to be honest. This last week was so damn painful. The bonds you form with those you haven't had physical contact with are only pulled together by the increased solace and strength we find in their voice, their picture, their movement and their availability to be present. I got a total of 6 hours last week with my BF. To put that in context, on any normal lecture day at Uni, I'd get 3 hours on average. I spent the whole of last week spending as much time with him as I would in 2 days of a normal week. It was damn painful, I'd only get in to a timer of around an hour to get my stuff done and still have some time with him. Falling asleep on HIS break was not a high point either.

Still, the golden globe reminded me he was here. Always.

This placement has been just spectacular. The kids were amazing (including one that, even though they ignored me for half a day because I placed them with someone they didn't like, said I was an 'awesome' teacher!), the staff were so friendly and forthcoming and my colleagues on placement with me were such a hoot. Teaching has a borderline military camaraderie whereby everyone is in the same boat and needs/wants others to succeed in order to progress themselves. We weren't scared of failing what we had to do, but all our lessons were spectacularly well run and produced fantastic end products.

The 'thank you' card they made... I thought I cried enough on my birthday cards...

Longer blog this one to make up for the fact that I haven't done one in a week, although the variety of people who read this is truly remarkable. My flatmate reads this as well and she said I was 'some sort of celebrity' because I mentioned listening to Jessie J. I've rarely woken up laughing but that comment just made me giggle so much, she's such an outgoing and lovely person, can't wait to see her Sunday night! It also raised the point that today was the day applications for student finance next year started.

It's not about the money, money, money...