It's just the tiniest bit unbelievable that I find myself blogging right now. I genuinely expected that I would have crumbled into a sense of self-loathing and not wanted to be around anyone. Instead, I've counselled a counsellor, been liked more than Murray's tears and had so many well wishes that, to the naked eye, it would look like I've suffered a bereavement, what with the congregation of smiles and positive thinking! I cannot truly express how happy everyone has made me feel today; Steven included. I've had texts, FB messages and likes coming out of every orifice imaginable. Truly, to everyone who has wished me well, thank you so much. Your kind gestures of friendship have been so warm and welcoming that I don't think I'd be so calm right now if it truly wasn't for you guys and gals! Only a few days ago I had a message out of the blue from someone who I haven't spoken with in 5 years. He wished me luck. He took time out of his day to wish me luck and we haven't spoken in yonks. That's the measure of how big this is and just how much it means to everyone else.
I'm travelling the world for love. Finally, everyone's starting to see this in my way.
There is one thing that has been prevalent throughout this day: people keep saying I'm brave. Not that I disagree with that label, but it's something I've never really been called before. It put everything into a new light for me. I am travelling 4600 miles into states I've never entered, into airports I've never been and an apartment I've only seen through the lens of a camera. And for what? A shot at love. A chance to be with someone I want to share my life with. Through the doubters, the haters and those who just didn't understand, I finally am within 24 hours of another country and another life. For the first time, I could genuinely feel such an elation run through my body when I realised that I'd made it through a whole year at university, passed it and got to the point where I get to spend 6 of the greatest weeks of my life with, hopefully, the greatest guy in my life.
Who'd travel that far for love? Only a lovestruck man would.
So that's it. My next blog post will be from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'll keep you regularly updated here and on Facebook. Just think, the next time you'll see a blog post from me, I would have met Steven, possibly spent the night and woken up in Tulsa the happiest guy in the land.
Till tomorrow. I love you Steven. :)
<3
Showing posts with label LGBT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LGBT. Show all posts
Monday, 9 July 2012
Saturday, 7 July 2012
3 Days To Go
Instead of a blog where I rant, I wanted to publish something I sent to Steven a short while ago. At the time of writing, he hasn't responded, but he is at work.
I've been panicking all day and I confessed that I was incredibly scared of what was about to happen, to which Steven said that he'd understand if I didn't fly on Tuesday.
I'm posting my response to that comment.
Steven.
The sense of what is coming up for us is really impacting now. Being far away without family to turn to, financial burdens: it's all so much to handle calmly and consistently.
But these are words that will be spoken and never harbour any falsities. I would never pass up a chance to meet the love of my life and you, Steven Mayo, are the love of my life. I wouldn't dare regret what has the potential to be the greatest times in my life with you.
Yes, the panic will get worse and on Monday I'll be immobile through sheer panic. But know that the reason I am doing it is fear of failure: that I won't be what you like. I am going there as your boyfriend and your lifepartner. I, so badly, want this to work for the both of us to know that our lives are better for knowing each other.
But I'll never leave you. And whilst in Heathrow, Atlanta and the Tulsa gates I'll be the most nervous, emotional person in the world, I can guarantee you that seeing your face will instantly do justice to a year of waiting, a month of panic and, hopefully, many more happy years of being together.
I love you Steven, never doubt that in this life or the next. You are my lifepartner, my soulmate and the person that I want to spend my life with. This opportunity that presents itself is one that scares me to the back bones but it's an opportunity to be with the greatest guy in my life.
That is worth any price.
I love you Steven :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
3 Days To Go
<3
I've been panicking all day and I confessed that I was incredibly scared of what was about to happen, to which Steven said that he'd understand if I didn't fly on Tuesday.
I'm posting my response to that comment.
Steven.
The sense of what is coming up for us is really impacting now. Being far away without family to turn to, financial burdens: it's all so much to handle calmly and consistently.
But these are words that will be spoken and never harbour any falsities. I would never pass up a chance to meet the love of my life and you, Steven Mayo, are the love of my life. I wouldn't dare regret what has the potential to be the greatest times in my life with you.
Yes, the panic will get worse and on Monday I'll be immobile through sheer panic. But know that the reason I am doing it is fear of failure: that I won't be what you like. I am going there as your boyfriend and your lifepartner. I, so badly, want this to work for the both of us to know that our lives are better for knowing each other.
But I'll never leave you. And whilst in Heathrow, Atlanta and the Tulsa gates I'll be the most nervous, emotional person in the world, I can guarantee you that seeing your face will instantly do justice to a year of waiting, a month of panic and, hopefully, many more happy years of being together.
I love you Steven, never doubt that in this life or the next. You are my lifepartner, my soulmate and the person that I want to spend my life with. This opportunity that presents itself is one that scares me to the back bones but it's an opportunity to be with the greatest guy in my life.
That is worth any price.
I love you Steven :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
3 Days To Go
<3
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