It's just the tiniest bit unbelievable that I find myself blogging right now. I genuinely expected that I would have crumbled into a sense of self-loathing and not wanted to be around anyone. Instead, I've counselled a counsellor, been liked more than Murray's tears and had so many well wishes that, to the naked eye, it would look like I've suffered a bereavement, what with the congregation of smiles and positive thinking! I cannot truly express how happy everyone has made me feel today; Steven included. I've had texts, FB messages and likes coming out of every orifice imaginable. Truly, to everyone who has wished me well, thank you so much. Your kind gestures of friendship have been so warm and welcoming that I don't think I'd be so calm right now if it truly wasn't for you guys and gals! Only a few days ago I had a message out of the blue from someone who I haven't spoken with in 5 years. He wished me luck. He took time out of his day to wish me luck and we haven't spoken in yonks. That's the measure of how big this is and just how much it means to everyone else.
I'm travelling the world for love. Finally, everyone's starting to see this in my way.
There is one thing that has been prevalent throughout this day: people keep saying I'm brave. Not that I disagree with that label, but it's something I've never really been called before. It put everything into a new light for me. I am travelling 4600 miles into states I've never entered, into airports I've never been and an apartment I've only seen through the lens of a camera. And for what? A shot at love. A chance to be with someone I want to share my life with. Through the doubters, the haters and those who just didn't understand, I finally am within 24 hours of another country and another life. For the first time, I could genuinely feel such an elation run through my body when I realised that I'd made it through a whole year at university, passed it and got to the point where I get to spend 6 of the greatest weeks of my life with, hopefully, the greatest guy in my life.
Who'd travel that far for love? Only a lovestruck man would.
So that's it. My next blog post will be from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'll keep you regularly updated here and on Facebook. Just think, the next time you'll see a blog post from me, I would have met Steven, possibly spent the night and woken up in Tulsa the happiest guy in the land.
Till tomorrow. I love you Steven. :)
<3
Showing posts with label airport. Show all posts
Showing posts with label airport. Show all posts
Monday, 9 July 2012
Monday, 2 July 2012
8 Days To Go
Not that much really happened yesterday, so blogging would have been a bit redundant. Plus I guess you don't want a page full of crap (you all have news feeds for that), so I figured I'd wait until today to blog.
So today I got my money. I withdrew what I needed and came back with under $300. That isn't so much a worry but I know it means I'm going to have to play it tight when I get out there, knowing it's 6 weeks worth ($50 a week, that is going to be hard to stick to) but I'm sure I'll manage. I also managed to reserve my seats on the flights as well, which is proper amazing! I got a window seat on one of them (oddly enough, it's the Atlanta to Tulsa flight so I'll be able to see everything) and the rest I get to be the really annoying single passenger (sitting middle middle, meaning I'm central, symmetrical trouble!) who uses his elbows too much when he eats.
I'm growing little devil horns to mark such a brilliant occasion!
Me and Steven have had our little up and down days recently but I think everything is just getting to me in a big way. This is one huge transition, I've never really 'dated' anyone and I've never stayed in another country on my own, that's for sure. I am scared, I can't lie. I am a very scared person and I do worry. Deep down, it's because I guess I just expect to be worse off in every situation, hence I do what I can to help others. I don't want to feel like I'm in a position where I can be abused or hurt; and whilst this opportunity I have can swing either way on it, I want to try my hardest to please everyone on it. I've been going on about this trip for so long that I can't really turn round and say it failed because of my shortcomings.
I don't want to fail again. I've done it enough time in life.
So tomorrow begins the longest week. When I get to the 10th, I bet I'll turn round and say it went so fast and I wish I had more time. All year I've wished time to fly and it did. I don't fully regret it, but I regret the means in which I did it. My first year should have been care free, adventurous and tipsy. OK, maybe not the last one, but I think that, on reflection, I could have come out a few more times. I could have expressed myself much better in certain situations. I could have been more of a friend to my flatmates and I certainly wouldn't let go of people who drifted away. Saying that, all those things led me to where I am now and that, my friends, can't have been all a bad thing.
God bless the broken road, that led me straight, to you. Rascal Flatts.
8 Days To Go. I Love You Steven.
<3
So today I got my money. I withdrew what I needed and came back with under $300. That isn't so much a worry but I know it means I'm going to have to play it tight when I get out there, knowing it's 6 weeks worth ($50 a week, that is going to be hard to stick to) but I'm sure I'll manage. I also managed to reserve my seats on the flights as well, which is proper amazing! I got a window seat on one of them (oddly enough, it's the Atlanta to Tulsa flight so I'll be able to see everything) and the rest I get to be the really annoying single passenger (sitting middle middle, meaning I'm central, symmetrical trouble!) who uses his elbows too much when he eats.
I'm growing little devil horns to mark such a brilliant occasion!
Me and Steven have had our little up and down days recently but I think everything is just getting to me in a big way. This is one huge transition, I've never really 'dated' anyone and I've never stayed in another country on my own, that's for sure. I am scared, I can't lie. I am a very scared person and I do worry. Deep down, it's because I guess I just expect to be worse off in every situation, hence I do what I can to help others. I don't want to feel like I'm in a position where I can be abused or hurt; and whilst this opportunity I have can swing either way on it, I want to try my hardest to please everyone on it. I've been going on about this trip for so long that I can't really turn round and say it failed because of my shortcomings.
I don't want to fail again. I've done it enough time in life.
So tomorrow begins the longest week. When I get to the 10th, I bet I'll turn round and say it went so fast and I wish I had more time. All year I've wished time to fly and it did. I don't fully regret it, but I regret the means in which I did it. My first year should have been care free, adventurous and tipsy. OK, maybe not the last one, but I think that, on reflection, I could have come out a few more times. I could have expressed myself much better in certain situations. I could have been more of a friend to my flatmates and I certainly wouldn't let go of people who drifted away. Saying that, all those things led me to where I am now and that, my friends, can't have been all a bad thing.
God bless the broken road, that led me straight, to you. Rascal Flatts.
8 Days To Go. I Love You Steven.
<3
Saturday, 30 June 2012
10 Days To Go
Apologies for not blogging yesterday. Way too much happened to even put my mind to an update there and then. So here it goes, 24 hours on.
I was scared of carnage yesterday. I had a friend over (Zoe) and she's training to read people's minds (or a psychology course, I'm not sure which.). Basically, I haven't seen her in yonks and it was supposed to be a nice little catch up over a drink and a laugh. But she reads these blogs and she wanted to get down to the bottom of why I've been very much not myself. She discovered it pretty fast and gave me some direction to go in (because it was lacking very badly). I just wanted some small things for myself. I kept on putting others first and didn't look at my own wants and getting them through. It sounds selfish, but a relationship should be equal and I didn't feel I was in one. I put my case to Steven and I told him how strongly I felt that, just some more, he is a little more expressive in himself and how he feels about me. If someone you care about so much doesn't tell you the things that they supposedly think of you, how are you to believe they still do feel them? It was a really stressful and upsetting day and, for the 5th day straight, I couldn't hold myself together long enough to not cry. I know I'm an emotional person but I'm not by any means a walkover. I really just wanted a boyfriend who could emote like I know he could but chose not to.
And I think I broke through. I think...
Because today, I woke up to a load of Kik messages and (you'll gasp at this, I know it) a FB wall post. If you didn't gasp, you do not know me, Steven or anything. That is exactly what I wanted from him, just a public show of affection. I thought he never was going to do it, I was scared I was never publicly going to be anything to him but David. He said caring things about me on Kik, he actually became a Steven that I've never seen but always wanted to see. For the first time in what seems like forever, he was happy. I've literally just got off Skype with him and he smiled! He sounded happy! I am just so glad that things seem back on track to succeed when I'm out there. I cannot thank Steven enough for him wanting to do some little things that I like. I love you Steven :) xxx
And Zoe, you are a miracle worker. Without you, I'd never push myself. Thank you babe :) x
10 days. This is the last day that it'll be a double digit countdown for an awful long time. I've suddenly found an air of confidence in myself and my belief that this will all work out. I was scared that, yesterday, I wasn't going to be welcomed into Tulsa. I was going to be rejected and left. Instead, I still believe we can share that most romantic of thoughts. The one where, after a year of waiting, of fights and arguments and love and tension, I finally walk through the arrivals gate at Tulsa International. I look around and my eyes meet with this man. No pixels, no static connection. It's live. My eyes meet with this amazingly good looking guy and we walk up to each other. We're nervous but we're excited. Finally, it all ends. The waiting ends and we have that first embrace. That first moment, that first bond. We hold each other and can't believe that we made it this far. The sky wasn't the limit, we're higher than that in the moment. We are finally, all of a sudden, together. And that will be the single greatest feeling I will ever experience.
50 Shades of Grey, eat your heart out. Who says men can't do romance?
10 days. I love you Steven. :)
<3
I was scared of carnage yesterday. I had a friend over (Zoe) and she's training to read people's minds (or a psychology course, I'm not sure which.). Basically, I haven't seen her in yonks and it was supposed to be a nice little catch up over a drink and a laugh. But she reads these blogs and she wanted to get down to the bottom of why I've been very much not myself. She discovered it pretty fast and gave me some direction to go in (because it was lacking very badly). I just wanted some small things for myself. I kept on putting others first and didn't look at my own wants and getting them through. It sounds selfish, but a relationship should be equal and I didn't feel I was in one. I put my case to Steven and I told him how strongly I felt that, just some more, he is a little more expressive in himself and how he feels about me. If someone you care about so much doesn't tell you the things that they supposedly think of you, how are you to believe they still do feel them? It was a really stressful and upsetting day and, for the 5th day straight, I couldn't hold myself together long enough to not cry. I know I'm an emotional person but I'm not by any means a walkover. I really just wanted a boyfriend who could emote like I know he could but chose not to.
And I think I broke through. I think...
Because today, I woke up to a load of Kik messages and (you'll gasp at this, I know it) a FB wall post. If you didn't gasp, you do not know me, Steven or anything. That is exactly what I wanted from him, just a public show of affection. I thought he never was going to do it, I was scared I was never publicly going to be anything to him but David. He said caring things about me on Kik, he actually became a Steven that I've never seen but always wanted to see. For the first time in what seems like forever, he was happy. I've literally just got off Skype with him and he smiled! He sounded happy! I am just so glad that things seem back on track to succeed when I'm out there. I cannot thank Steven enough for him wanting to do some little things that I like. I love you Steven :) xxx
And Zoe, you are a miracle worker. Without you, I'd never push myself. Thank you babe :) x
10 days. This is the last day that it'll be a double digit countdown for an awful long time. I've suddenly found an air of confidence in myself and my belief that this will all work out. I was scared that, yesterday, I wasn't going to be welcomed into Tulsa. I was going to be rejected and left. Instead, I still believe we can share that most romantic of thoughts. The one where, after a year of waiting, of fights and arguments and love and tension, I finally walk through the arrivals gate at Tulsa International. I look around and my eyes meet with this man. No pixels, no static connection. It's live. My eyes meet with this amazingly good looking guy and we walk up to each other. We're nervous but we're excited. Finally, it all ends. The waiting ends and we have that first embrace. That first moment, that first bond. We hold each other and can't believe that we made it this far. The sky wasn't the limit, we're higher than that in the moment. We are finally, all of a sudden, together. And that will be the single greatest feeling I will ever experience.
50 Shades of Grey, eat your heart out. Who says men can't do romance?
10 days. I love you Steven. :)
<3
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