Thursday, 10 May 2012

61 Days To Go

Ohhhhhhh, less than 9 weeks to go now! Must admit, it's getting pretty exciting knowing that, day by day, I'm getting so much closer to the holiday of a lifetime. With tonnes of uni work though, it's not like the days are going quickly. It's kind of something I really want, the days to go a little faster. But here's the thing... I'm now trying to complete the work I wanted to leave to make the days pass by fast. So... essentially... I'm getting it all done early for... er... peace of mind? Less stress? Not all too sure what the ulterior motive is for trying to be a good student but once it's done, it's done I guess.

I'll topple all this work, just like I toppled waking up early for placement.

These last few days have been so damn stressful. Tears, anger, worry and stress. They all amount to a person I never knew existed. Someone who isn't fearing the bigger things in life: more he worries about keeping the best things that happened to me. I've had arguments I never thought I'd have but my real worry is that I showed a side of me that people will hate. When you try so hard to fit in by being yourself and getting someone to fall for you, only to show the Hyde in yourself, it's a struggle to regain trust. And with 61 days to go... well... it's a side that's best repressed.

Repressed... and then blogged... rawr.

Placement is halfway through now and I'm buzzing. I feel really comfortable in front of the class but I'm annoyed that not all of my lessons seem to be getting through to them. I know, as a teacher, you can't always deliver a perfect lesson. But you'd hope that all the kids go away knowing they've had fun and enjoyed what you taught them. Having kids come up to you and say it's the best lesson they've had for years, only to turn round the next week and not learn a thing...

It's massively disheartening.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

70 Days To Go

10 weeks. 10 very long, very hectic, very stressful, very draining, very taxing weeks. Anyone who knows me knows I don't do things easy and waiting is definitely one of them. I wasn't born with much patience. About as patient as I got as a youngster was when 6:01pm hit. Dinner was 1 minute late. You know I was standing by that cooker, hoping food would magic its way into my massive gob. (perhaps that's why I'm overweight now then!) I know that (as of writing) I have 7 lecture weeks left in my first year here at Worcester. In that time, 2 essays, an audit, 3 profiles and 4 presentations will have to be made and presented before I decide to get my bags and pack for a happy venture back home.

70 days till I get my 'Love Actually' moment. I can't even look at the case right now.

So, I decided to get my arse in gear (LOL apparently on my spell-check I've spelt 'arse' wrong) and try and bash out my science essay this week. If I've done that, I only have the Professional Studies essay to do on my own. The rest is either group work or DSTs. Currently I stand with an essay that meets the word count and nothing else. I still have to type up the lesson plan and photocopy the examples of work and write the reference list. All in good time and assigned dates my friends. So, as you might be able to tell, I'm buzzing slightly. I'm doing it all for Steven. He knows just how badly I want this work done and why I want it completed. I want it done so I can spend more time with him when the options open up and I have days where I can just lay down and relax about the world.

Much like August 21st. When I'll lay down, stare at the stars and think back to the greatest 6 weeks of my life.

I'm back at placement for Thursdays and Fridays. This time, we are teaching a solo lesson each day. I must admit, I'm getting a lot more comfortable with the idea of being a teacher and standing in front of the class and delivering lessons. I just wish the hours weren't so stupid! Getting up at 5:45am is not my exact idea of a good start to the morning. But, to be fair, I have some awesome people on placement with me who make it all worthwhile. It sounds slightly sad but, I wish next year I am in placement with them again. They just make the whole experience totally worthwhile and fun when you feel on your lowest for months. It will be sad to part from them.

Having said that... no more early mornings for now. I can do with that! The next early morning after placement will be getting to the airport. Cannot freaking wait!

It's seriously killing me that I don't get to spend as much time with Steven anymore. I keep complaining about it here hoping something will change but, again, wasn't blessed with patience. (those going WTF at this point obv didn't read the rest of this blog) I've hit the stage where I feel like I've lost myself if I haven't spoken to him or haven't heard from him in a while. Is that love or craziness? I'm scared that maybe, for a  9 1/2 month relationship, I'm being too selfish wanting him to talk to me, despite his situation meaning he can't do that most days. I know I'm a lot more open about these things than he is, am I wrong to be so open?

Anyone who thought that last sentence was dirty before me mentioning it, go check yourself into a sex clinic. Please.