Thursday, 5 July 2012

5 Days To Go

And now there is a huge air of excitement running through me at every point. It's nearly the end of the week and what lies ahead is a hugely busy weekend. Strangely though, none of it involves the holiday. Which means several things. It means my mind will be elsewhere and it means it'll be occupied. But the greatest thing is that time will absolutely fly. On my end, I've relaxed at exactly the right time. There was huge tension towards the end of last week and massive indecision flying around. To me, that was my mind and my body telling me that it was realising just what a huge risk this is and how much it might come back to bite me on the ass. I'm not a risk taker, I wouldn't do something unless I know it's going to go smoothly. Which is why me travelling 4600 miles is the biggest risk I've ever taken and, probably, will ever take in life.

Somehow, I might not be feeling so bad if I was choosing between red and black. Someone take me to a casino!

It's only 5 days now. Closer to 4 really since it's 50 minutes to a new day (at the time of writing that) and it inches closer. I wish I didn't express myself as much sometimes (or at least not be good at it) because there's a level; of expectation that you'll get it back. Whilst you say you don't expect something from someone, there will always be a base level of which you expect a response. I know Steven doesn't emote, so of course, he's never going to show to anyone, let alone me, that he'd be nervous. Neither would he admit to being scared at the prospect of me coming over (maybe as, in terms of legwork, I'm doing the heavy travelling) or any other prospect for that matter. But he knows I'm scared and he knows that I'll always be nervous about this. So many people have offered their ears as a source of relief and aid and it's so gratifying to know that so many people really do care for my well-being for that to happen.

And from what it seems, if it goes wrong, Steven has some very angry Brits to deal with. Hot tea anyone?

I found out today how much of a bitch university is when you are away from it. I received my second set of Professional Studies results (Reflective Essay - D+) and a new reading list for English. I had just, this week, finally settled at home and got any inclination of hard work out of my system. See, for the last few weeks, I've felt like I've needed to work. Surely, I can't just sit on my arse and relax (unless you are doing a sports course, embrace the hate guys and gals!), I haven't been able to do that for a whole year and now I'm expected to switch off? I can't do that. I've never been able to switch off, it's why it takes me years to get off to sleep. There's no way I'm switching off on the night going into the 10th and I can guarantee you that my mind won't be off work until I know I'm in university next year.

Worcester can shove it. Stress when it isn't needed. Disgraceful.

5 Days To Go. I Love You Steven. :)


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