So, it's the first time ever that I get to celebrate Valentines Day with someone. For all the years that I was the one looking jealous at my other friends who got to speak lovely things to each other, got to embrace each other and got to have a day where visible love isn't yucked upon but celebrated, I could finally have that. Except, I can't... I don't feel I can celebrate today because the BF doesn't necessarily like certain aspects of it. And I don't blame him, over-commercialisation of love amongst other grievances are legitimate, even in my own opinion. But for the number of years I always cried and ate and drank because I couldn't celebrate love, I feel slightly saddened that I can't do it to the level I want to; when I finally have someone to do it with.
So Happy Tuesday 14th February. Here's to next week's Pancake Day!
It crossed my mind earlier on Monday... I'm so scared of judgement. But I'm going to the USA as my BF's first ever boyfriend... so I'll have to meet his parents. And that, my readers, made me shit a hellish brick. (Sidenote - shit doesn't come up with a squiggly red line underneath!) I'm going to have to 'meet the parents' at some point and I am so scared of that. For no matter how much I want to impress my BF and my family and my friends, it will be the in-laws who will be the most judgemental and analyse me and I have to make a good first impression.
Or I could go AWOL. In America. (Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged anyone?)
This is also the first time I have blogged with my BF listening to me type. But he also can't see what I'm typing. We talk so often about judgement but rarely if judgement is passed before a full case is to be heard (reference - John Terry). I see the singles in the world become empowered at the thought of being alone on Valentines, those couples who have someone be treated to what they want (not necessarily Hallmark) and then there's the feeling of indifference. When I'm either side of the Valentines spectrum, I still feel indifferent for now having someone. So... there's no middle ground... I just have been made to feel outcast by everyone on Valentines Day.
A card would have been nice. Hell, I'll send it myself.
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