Blogging from the staff room doesn't only make you unsociable... It also makes you look busy and that suits me just fine. I'm not a huge fan of small talk but if someone wants to engage in discussion with me in school, I'd rather it was more... less teacher-y. It makes me feel so responsible! I'm not responsible, why, only last week I lost my lesson observations.
I'm a professional. (You'll hear this a lot before the trip. It's best said in a sarcastically young voice.)
Getting up early isn't doing my body any favours. I don't think anyone noticed but I was drifting off during a lesson observation. Not because the lesson was boring but because when the only thing that's been keeping you awake goes to sleep himself, you tend to wonder why you yourself isn't under a blanket.
Preferably with him. Giggity.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Monday, 16 January 2012
177 Days To Go
After the first day of a block placement entangled with pure joy and pure tiredness, I can easily say that I really want to be a primary school teacher with my own classroom, my own class, my own TA and my own wage. This startling conclusion came, not in the classroom setting, but in my own abode. Cleaning my room from an organisational pigsty to something cleaner than the Pope's underwear. My room looked dirtier than a priests' CRB check but after battling the fiendish monster, I feel more organised and prepared than ever to live a life.
And all because I can see the original dead spiders. Ah, bless.
Having rattled out a pretty intense first day on placement (I led some kids in an investigation about science and sat in a 90 minute planning meeting), I came home and went STRAIGHT to Skype. An instant beeline to the laptop to talk with my BF. But... I could only spend 20 minutes with him. For the rest of the time I would be talking to him would then be taken up with dinner, chores, planning, organisation and a private matter. And I truly felt awful, because I vowed to him that I would spend as much time as I could with him, even if it meant putting everything else on hold. I was so glad he was so understanding, but he knows how much I am hurting from not being able to contact him as much today. It got me proper down.
I'll do anything for a job at the end of it, but only one where I can talk to him for a while in between...
I reckon I'll average getting about 4 hours sleep a night for this placement. Whilst I'm still reeling from the fact that I'm going on holiday, my head still isn't fully clear yet. I celebrated 6 months, I turned 19 and I'm teaching my first lesson in under 9 days. With all these big events happening so suddenly, I'm scared of overloading. And with the lack of sleep, I'm really scared that, come weekends... I might not wake up to blog...
It's like a slightly more believable version of 'Saw'. This will be your worst nightmare.
And all because I can see the original dead spiders. Ah, bless.
Having rattled out a pretty intense first day on placement (I led some kids in an investigation about science and sat in a 90 minute planning meeting), I came home and went STRAIGHT to Skype. An instant beeline to the laptop to talk with my BF. But... I could only spend 20 minutes with him. For the rest of the time I would be talking to him would then be taken up with dinner, chores, planning, organisation and a private matter. And I truly felt awful, because I vowed to him that I would spend as much time as I could with him, even if it meant putting everything else on hold. I was so glad he was so understanding, but he knows how much I am hurting from not being able to contact him as much today. It got me proper down.
I'll do anything for a job at the end of it, but only one where I can talk to him for a while in between...
I reckon I'll average getting about 4 hours sleep a night for this placement. Whilst I'm still reeling from the fact that I'm going on holiday, my head still isn't fully clear yet. I celebrated 6 months, I turned 19 and I'm teaching my first lesson in under 9 days. With all these big events happening so suddenly, I'm scared of overloading. And with the lack of sleep, I'm really scared that, come weekends... I might not wake up to blog...
It's like a slightly more believable version of 'Saw'. This will be your worst nightmare.
Sunday, 15 January 2012
178 Days To Go: The Birthday/6 Months Blog
I celebrated my 19th birthday today, knowing that this day marked huge changes in my life that would impact me and my choices forever. I had 2 slices of cake today, not the whole cake.
Changes.
Today, I bought my ticket to the States. That's £800 paid for the greatest 6 week period of my life. And the feeling of euphoria when I booked it was just epic. Knowing that, in 6 months time, I'll be in Tulsa, OK with the love of my life as we start our journey together. But the feeling was one of relief. This has been hanging over our heads for quite some time, a lot of what ifs and things going wrong. It was off, then on, then off, then on again. Nothing ever ran smoothly until I actually bought the damn thing. My e-ticket takes pride and place on my noticeboard.
Some uni students have photos and posters above their bed. I have my travel itinerary. U jelly?
My birthday was simply magical. Having got up early to Skype with the parents (thank you SOOOOO much for your present!), I settled down for a cosy day with my laptop. Not only was it my birthday, it is 6 months that me and the BF have been dating. It felt awesome that everything came together as it did. With the flatmates somewhat occupied, I just chilled. With tomorrow being the first day of block placement, I didn't want nerves or anxiety creeping into my special day. Just as things started to feel a little lonely (none of my flatmates had said 'happy birthday' at that point due to the fact that my 3rd flatmate wasn't there), they (the other 2 that were here) surprised me with a homemade card and a cake and a note perfect (:P) rendition of 'Happy Birthday'. I burst into tears and hugged them all. They really made today something truly special.
Chocolate cake AND a song? I truly felt unworthy at that point, what had I done to deserve such bliss?
A lovely piece of intimate time with the BF was to follow. I proved to him I could read and we shared our traditional monthly 'Then' moment (Brad Paisley - Then, once a month on our anniversary). Nothing went wrong today. And after visiting my friend Nicola at her flat for another round of cake and singing, it was back to my place. Tish turned up and led me into the second surprise of the day (any more and I would have had a coronary). She got me into my room to talk about the weekend, abruptly left whilst the others decorated the flat with 'happy birthday' banners. They got me into the kitchen, screamed surprise and gave me my gifts. I truly love my flatmates so much for what they did and what they got me, they truly are family to me now.
An effortlessly cool cardigan, a giant mug, two new ties and chocolate. You know when people buy your heart? They (as well as the BF) own it right now.
Placement starts tomorrow. I'm a (19 year old) professional. Good times :)
Changes.
Today, I bought my ticket to the States. That's £800 paid for the greatest 6 week period of my life. And the feeling of euphoria when I booked it was just epic. Knowing that, in 6 months time, I'll be in Tulsa, OK with the love of my life as we start our journey together. But the feeling was one of relief. This has been hanging over our heads for quite some time, a lot of what ifs and things going wrong. It was off, then on, then off, then on again. Nothing ever ran smoothly until I actually bought the damn thing. My e-ticket takes pride and place on my noticeboard.
Some uni students have photos and posters above their bed. I have my travel itinerary. U jelly?
My birthday was simply magical. Having got up early to Skype with the parents (thank you SOOOOO much for your present!), I settled down for a cosy day with my laptop. Not only was it my birthday, it is 6 months that me and the BF have been dating. It felt awesome that everything came together as it did. With the flatmates somewhat occupied, I just chilled. With tomorrow being the first day of block placement, I didn't want nerves or anxiety creeping into my special day. Just as things started to feel a little lonely (none of my flatmates had said 'happy birthday' at that point due to the fact that my 3rd flatmate wasn't there), they (the other 2 that were here) surprised me with a homemade card and a cake and a note perfect (:P) rendition of 'Happy Birthday'. I burst into tears and hugged them all. They really made today something truly special.
Chocolate cake AND a song? I truly felt unworthy at that point, what had I done to deserve such bliss?
A lovely piece of intimate time with the BF was to follow. I proved to him I could read and we shared our traditional monthly 'Then' moment (Brad Paisley - Then, once a month on our anniversary). Nothing went wrong today. And after visiting my friend Nicola at her flat for another round of cake and singing, it was back to my place. Tish turned up and led me into the second surprise of the day (any more and I would have had a coronary). She got me into my room to talk about the weekend, abruptly left whilst the others decorated the flat with 'happy birthday' banners. They got me into the kitchen, screamed surprise and gave me my gifts. I truly love my flatmates so much for what they did and what they got me, they truly are family to me now.
An effortlessly cool cardigan, a giant mug, two new ties and chocolate. You know when people buy your heart? They (as well as the BF) own it right now.
Placement starts tomorrow. I'm a (19 year old) professional. Good times :)
Saturday, 14 January 2012
179 Days To Go: Part 2
Last blog as an 18 year old. Would have been more significant if I had been blogging since I turned 18. Alas, a blogger party and present is in order. Who wants to spread this blog?
I had a message this morning from an old friend. Haven't spoken to him in years and he set a status a few days ago slamming bloggers turning FB into a blogging site. Yet he came round and said he liked the blog and wished me luck with it. It meant quite a lot, seeing as (when we used to talk and associate) we always ribbed each other and had a banter-ish friendship which wasn't that close. I'm not saying we used to punch each other playfully, but it's nice that, since I left Essex for university, everyone else seems to be less banter and more canter with their lives and conversations.
It felt good to have that message. It felt better to see he hadn't unadded me. I'm a very lonely person by trade.
Just got out of the shower for the last time as an 18 year old as well. As I see it, it's the last time I can enjoy a shower for leisure purposes. Now I'm older, showers are for getting rid of the old man smell, creating the early onset of wrinkles and for bleeding the life insurance companies clean (2000 shower deaths a year can't be wrong!). Since Worcester got the hot water permanently working, I haven't been able to stop touching my wet self (dirty, huh? You twitched a little, I saw it), it's such a relief to create steam.
If I didn't turn you gay, I definitely turned you Christian.
I must make an apology to Sharon. I seriously can't read and I called you 'vain' instead of playing a fun word game. In this world of miscommunication, purple monkey dishwasher Sean Kingston butterfinger leather wallet. And I am sorry.
A pint on me if you can spot the Simpsons reference.
45 MINUTES TILL MY 19TH BIRTHDAY!!!!! :D
I had a message this morning from an old friend. Haven't spoken to him in years and he set a status a few days ago slamming bloggers turning FB into a blogging site. Yet he came round and said he liked the blog and wished me luck with it. It meant quite a lot, seeing as (when we used to talk and associate) we always ribbed each other and had a banter-ish friendship which wasn't that close. I'm not saying we used to punch each other playfully, but it's nice that, since I left Essex for university, everyone else seems to be less banter and more canter with their lives and conversations.
It felt good to have that message. It felt better to see he hadn't unadded me. I'm a very lonely person by trade.
Just got out of the shower for the last time as an 18 year old as well. As I see it, it's the last time I can enjoy a shower for leisure purposes. Now I'm older, showers are for getting rid of the old man smell, creating the early onset of wrinkles and for bleeding the life insurance companies clean (2000 shower deaths a year can't be wrong!). Since Worcester got the hot water permanently working, I haven't been able to stop touching my wet self (dirty, huh? You twitched a little, I saw it), it's such a relief to create steam.
If I didn't turn you gay, I definitely turned you Christian.
I must make an apology to Sharon. I seriously can't read and I called you 'vain' instead of playing a fun word game. In this world of miscommunication, purple monkey dishwasher Sean Kingston butterfinger leather wallet. And I am sorry.
A pint on me if you can spot the Simpsons reference.
45 MINUTES TILL MY 19TH BIRTHDAY!!!!! :D
179 Days To Go: Part 1
So, having downloaded Blogger for my iPhone, I very quickly realise something. You get on a roll with a keyboard, not so much on a touchpad...
Got a massive smile on my face today. My parents birthday present came a little early and, after a little bit of accountancy (I can't call what I did 'maths' because I actually enjoyed it), I can see that my summer is going to be awesome. With a capital 'f***ing'. That's not to be misconstrued as my holiday being some sort of jerk(off)fest, but just my first ever holiday that I planned, (mostly) financed and went on, all on my own. It seems that growing up does have some sort of benefit. Then again, so does eating chocolate and bacon apparently.
So I'm fat AND responsible. So long as I'm not a twig and shoving my head down the toilet, I can take fat geek jokes.
This, rather boring, Saturday also gave me the time to rip a couple of CDs for my mates (of which some of those songs are in my all time favourites) and install Unreal Tournament 2004. Now, I don't know how many of you who read my blogs are FPS fans... I'm not a huge one myself. But there is something about shooting the rear end off a robot that I find both hysterical and entertaining. So for those who think COD is too elite, Battlefield is too s***e and think Doom expired when they changed the name of Marathon bars to Snickers, then Unreal is your game.
Although having said that, I had the difficulty setting on 'Novice'. I like to ease into what I like. Hehe.
On, possibly the slowest day of my life, I ended up getting the most washing up done I've ever seen. Not only this, but I got my printing done AND decided on what I'm going to get with some leftover money. If that isn't enough, I only recently made the discovery of fresh air. Which tells me one thing. I was a geek at home and even then, got MORE fresh air then at university, where I'm supposedly going out, having drinks and walking to placement.
And it's going to cost kids £12k a year now to do that. Just stick some trance on and play a game at home. You are the future of Britain.
Got a massive smile on my face today. My parents birthday present came a little early and, after a little bit of accountancy (I can't call what I did 'maths' because I actually enjoyed it), I can see that my summer is going to be awesome. With a capital 'f***ing'. That's not to be misconstrued as my holiday being some sort of jerk(off)fest, but just my first ever holiday that I planned, (mostly) financed and went on, all on my own. It seems that growing up does have some sort of benefit. Then again, so does eating chocolate and bacon apparently.
So I'm fat AND responsible. So long as I'm not a twig and shoving my head down the toilet, I can take fat geek jokes.
This, rather boring, Saturday also gave me the time to rip a couple of CDs for my mates (of which some of those songs are in my all time favourites) and install Unreal Tournament 2004. Now, I don't know how many of you who read my blogs are FPS fans... I'm not a huge one myself. But there is something about shooting the rear end off a robot that I find both hysterical and entertaining. So for those who think COD is too elite, Battlefield is too s***e and think Doom expired when they changed the name of Marathon bars to Snickers, then Unreal is your game.
Although having said that, I had the difficulty setting on 'Novice'. I like to ease into what I like. Hehe.
On, possibly the slowest day of my life, I ended up getting the most washing up done I've ever seen. Not only this, but I got my printing done AND decided on what I'm going to get with some leftover money. If that isn't enough, I only recently made the discovery of fresh air. Which tells me one thing. I was a geek at home and even then, got MORE fresh air then at university, where I'm supposedly going out, having drinks and walking to placement.
And it's going to cost kids £12k a year now to do that. Just stick some trance on and play a game at home. You are the future of Britain.
Friday, 13 January 2012
180 Days To Go
Tis a late blog for all the right reasons. Today I got to prove a lot of people wrong. Today, not only did I get to Worcester City Centre and back within an hour walking, I could pull off high tops well enough to have someone ask me where I got my outfit. If only I could have come back and said something like 'it cost a grand, all designer'. Shame I did the maths and assessed that my outfit (excluding necklace, that would make my outfit priceless) came to a pitiful £35. The same as the coat from H&M I bought but wasn't bothered to wear today. Now, I'm not naturally a cool person, I'm not even a geek. I'm the kind of person who you'd need to have photographic memory to remember.
But obviously, I got swagger. Jagger.
No joke, today I've been (non stop) listening to 'How We Roll' by Loick Essien. I'm not usually a fan of club floor fillers, but I guess in all this confusion about assignments, teaching and relationships, my musical taste as gone less country and more... city. But in between this addictive classic, I have been totally boring myself with endless repeats of the Big Bang Theory. When I used the word 'boring', I mean 'repeatedly entertaining myself finding out how many 'ious' words Sheldon can say in one episode'. And it blew my mind when I found out that Jim Parsons (Sheldon) is, himself, gay.
I'm already dating someone ten times smarter than me. You wait for a bus all your life...
As I'm writing this... it's 25 minutes away from just 1 day till my 19th and my 6 months with my BF. I have a huge sense of glee about this, knowing how strange fate has brought together a 6 hour time difference and 7500km and somehow created nearly 6 months of perfection. But to be fair, I'm dating perfection. So... that's 20 years of perfection... add the 6 months... so I've been dating 'technically' for longer than I was alive. Because I believe in the whole 'born and wired who you love' thing.
Yeah... the BF is not dating perfection. More like damaged goods. He needs a bravery medal.
But obviously, I got swagger. Jagger.
No joke, today I've been (non stop) listening to 'How We Roll' by Loick Essien. I'm not usually a fan of club floor fillers, but I guess in all this confusion about assignments, teaching and relationships, my musical taste as gone less country and more... city. But in between this addictive classic, I have been totally boring myself with endless repeats of the Big Bang Theory. When I used the word 'boring', I mean 'repeatedly entertaining myself finding out how many 'ious' words Sheldon can say in one episode'. And it blew my mind when I found out that Jim Parsons (Sheldon) is, himself, gay.
I'm already dating someone ten times smarter than me. You wait for a bus all your life...
As I'm writing this... it's 25 minutes away from just 1 day till my 19th and my 6 months with my BF. I have a huge sense of glee about this, knowing how strange fate has brought together a 6 hour time difference and 7500km and somehow created nearly 6 months of perfection. But to be fair, I'm dating perfection. So... that's 20 years of perfection... add the 6 months... so I've been dating 'technically' for longer than I was alive. Because I believe in the whole 'born and wired who you love' thing.
Yeah... the BF is not dating perfection. More like damaged goods. He needs a bravery medal.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
181 Days To Go: Part 2
I have a very worrying addiction. Everytime I close my eyes, my mind tends to drift towards the summer I'm going to have. It became an addiction when I recently found out I have spent most of this week with my eyes closed. But that's only because I'm lazy. Yeap, some student stereotypes I can live with. But the worry is when I do this without even recognising what's around me. Just 20 minutes ago, I was talking with my flatmates' boyfriend and I shut my eyes to blink for a second. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was grab my phone and Kik my BF and talk to him, all because when I shut my eyes, I imagined walking through the arrival gate to him. That is worrying.
But it's nothing compared to the time I did it in the lecture theatre. 2 hours goes way more slowly after that.
Natwest are also drip-feeding me information with regards to my new Student account. Basically, I want to milk a bank for all it's worth. To do this, I got an interest free overdraft student account. But also because I REALLY want to allocate £15 a month to buy myself Root Beer and current funds do not allow this. The sacrifices I have to make for University... *sigh*
On the plus side, I can't wait till placement. I get to dry-hump and test run my new iPod playlist. At 7am on a Monday morning (having woken up at 5:45am), a 20 minute walk to get my bus and freezing conditions, the music is seriously the only thing I get up for. Screw the kids, Sean Kingston livening up my bridge walk across Worcester is the only reason those kids will learn what a fraction is...
I'm a professional. :)
But it's nothing compared to the time I did it in the lecture theatre. 2 hours goes way more slowly after that.
Natwest are also drip-feeding me information with regards to my new Student account. Basically, I want to milk a bank for all it's worth. To do this, I got an interest free overdraft student account. But also because I REALLY want to allocate £15 a month to buy myself Root Beer and current funds do not allow this. The sacrifices I have to make for University... *sigh*
On the plus side, I can't wait till placement. I get to dry-hump and test run my new iPod playlist. At 7am on a Monday morning (having woken up at 5:45am), a 20 minute walk to get my bus and freezing conditions, the music is seriously the only thing I get up for. Screw the kids, Sean Kingston livening up my bridge walk across Worcester is the only reason those kids will learn what a fraction is...
I'm a professional. :)
181 Days To Go: Part 1
It's horrible to wake up in the morning and completely bypass on what you did last night. Having had a 19 hour day, which included 8 straight hours of having kids call you everything but your real name, I was absolutely shattered. By 11pm, I was in bed talking to the BF when, all of a sudden, I started sleep-talking. Not, like, conventional sleep-talking of absolute gibberish... but some kind of heartfelt speech.
Let me state, outright, I'm not usually an embracing person. It takes a lot for me to emote and it's usually only after a couple (hundred) shots that that actually happens. I know that my BF doesn't like public shows of affection, but I had an incredibly hard night last night for so many reasons. By far and away, I take as much support as I can get nowadays. But much like life, you have your favourites. And when I was low, I was convinced that I wasn't worth enough to my most valuable person.
Turns out, after it all, I'm more certain than ever that I'm with the one.
In other (certainly less loving) news, I finally ended my hell and decided to print off and submit my Professional Studies assignment. 12 hours of intense Vygotsky loving (not only does my love stretch 4600 miles, it also stretches a good 70 years as well...) and Piaget bashing (sounds like a psychological masturbation, right?), I finally discussed how their theories would help and hinder. Whilst an incredibly mediocre essay was finished, it also spelt the end of University assessments for 4 months. And my birthday is in 3 days.
Not a bad end to the week, no?
Let me state, outright, I'm not usually an embracing person. It takes a lot for me to emote and it's usually only after a couple (hundred) shots that that actually happens. I know that my BF doesn't like public shows of affection, but I had an incredibly hard night last night for so many reasons. By far and away, I take as much support as I can get nowadays. But much like life, you have your favourites. And when I was low, I was convinced that I wasn't worth enough to my most valuable person.
Turns out, after it all, I'm more certain than ever that I'm with the one.
In other (certainly less loving) news, I finally ended my hell and decided to print off and submit my Professional Studies assignment. 12 hours of intense Vygotsky loving (not only does my love stretch 4600 miles, it also stretches a good 70 years as well...) and Piaget bashing (sounds like a psychological masturbation, right?), I finally discussed how their theories would help and hinder. Whilst an incredibly mediocre essay was finished, it also spelt the end of University assessments for 4 months. And my birthday is in 3 days.
Not a bad end to the week, no?
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
182 Days To Go
This was, supposedly, the hardest day of the week and one of the hardest I would have all year. This was supposed to be the day I quaked in fear at the scale of my first block placement within schools. But it actually went amazing well. Which is all well and good... but now I have another problem...
You see, whenever I attempt to write these blogs, it's out of boredom and procrastination. Usually it's a way for me to access my deepest thoughts when stumbling on writers block. In the end, it seems like I've finished my essay and only need it proof-read one more time (if my BF is willing to do it, I put him through an ordeal last time and I'm scared he's lost all faith in my writing) before printing. Instead, I'm only delaying talking to my BF.
On the other hand though, I kinda do deserve the cold shoulder. I did just introduce him to Steps.
We haven't spoken in minutes since.
You see, whenever I attempt to write these blogs, it's out of boredom and procrastination. Usually it's a way for me to access my deepest thoughts when stumbling on writers block. In the end, it seems like I've finished my essay and only need it proof-read one more time (if my BF is willing to do it, I put him through an ordeal last time and I'm scared he's lost all faith in my writing) before printing. Instead, I'm only delaying talking to my BF.
On the other hand though, I kinda do deserve the cold shoulder. I did just introduce him to Steps.
We haven't spoken in minutes since.
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
183 Days To Go: Part 2
So... I don't feel very grown up right now. And that's not down to me acting childish, it's down to the fact that we didn't view the house in the end. Which, by itself, is sad. But after today's lectures, I wouldn't dare let any of my body language or any gypsy know that (the lectures were on body language and gypsies... I'm not being racist, honest).
I'm about to try and do something I've never done before. Finish an essay (not an evaluation) with a finished reference list before I settle down for the night for the tradition big Tuesday call. Not gonna lie, I'm obviously procrastinating by writing this blog, but deep down, I think you should write creatively. Because, truly, everytime I've written a blog , I then want to do my essay and I bash out a good couple of hundred words before I am amused by a funny YouTube video I should have watched years ago but was too lazy to watch it. Seriously, I only just discovered that Charlie found candy mountain.
I'm about to finish my essay with my flatmate in my bed (working together... not what you think) and we'll both be doing our own thing. Really, I couldn't get a girl in bed if I tried. Now that I'm at Uni (and out), they can't stop getting into it. I have that way with women I guess...
I'm about to try and do something I've never done before. Finish an essay (not an evaluation) with a finished reference list before I settle down for the night for the tradition big Tuesday call. Not gonna lie, I'm obviously procrastinating by writing this blog, but deep down, I think you should write creatively. Because, truly, everytime I've written a blog , I then want to do my essay and I bash out a good couple of hundred words before I am amused by a funny YouTube video I should have watched years ago but was too lazy to watch it. Seriously, I only just discovered that Charlie found candy mountain.
I'm about to finish my essay with my flatmate in my bed (working together... not what you think) and we'll both be doing our own thing. Really, I couldn't get a girl in bed if I tried. Now that I'm at Uni (and out), they can't stop getting into it. I have that way with women I guess...
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